This Modern World by Tom Tomorrow

Can't you just see it happening?

HPY FRDY

Even when it's not?

Shootin'

Dad just shot the muzzel loader--check out all the smoke...which ended up in my face seconds later.... Guns are fun!

My dead deer

Shot with the muzzleloader

Catblogging

Sorry Mom, Bill Made Me Do It

" The good fuck" You are 67 fuckable!

You're about as fuckable as most people, which is not bad. Actually, it's quite healthy! You know how to act and what's appropriate. You know when it's the time and place for what. And people can use that to see you erotically. It's no surprise that you can attract a good number of people. You're what they want! A realistic babe who knows when to get a bit wild! Yeah, I'd fuck you!

My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 20% on humpers

Link: The how fuckable are you? Test written by ShizzleBitch on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test

Another candidate for worst shoes ev-a

Neon pink irridescent patent pleather mule loafters.

Need I say more?

By the Light of the Mac

'Twas the middle of the afternoon
and all through the apartment
Not a kitty was stirring
Not even for a mouse

America's Ugliest Shoes

If not The Ugliest, then definitely part of the Ugliest category.

It's hard to see in the photo, but these are gold ballet slippers crossed with a gym shoe. The bottoms are rubberized with giant grips, and there are laces and mesh on the top of the foot. And I think there are athletic stripes.

What possesses someone to buy these? How much did they cost? How many did they sell? Would anyone I know buy these shoes? Would I still be friends with them if they did?

The Bored-at-Work Meme

(Elaborate on your default icon)
I haven't the foggiest what my default icon is. A daisy maybe? Because it was there in the default pictures?

(What's your current relationship status?)
I think I'm in a non-relationship kind of relationship

(Ever have a near-death experience?)
No, thank the gods (by sacrificing a virgin. To me)

(Name an obvious quality that you have.)
Sarcasm. Pretty f3cking obvious if you've ever met me.

(What's the name of the song stuck in your head right now?)
I don't have anything except my usual obsessive loops stuck in my head.

(Any celeb you'd marry?)
Steal from Mike... Have sex with, maybe. Marry, statistically impossible.

(Do you wear a watch?)
No, I am adamantly opposed to wearing a watch.

(Do you have anything pierced?)
Ears.

(Do you have any tattoos?)
Yes.


Oh, you wanted me to elaborate? Capricorn symbol, breastbone. Also going to get my motto on my foot.

(Do you like pain?)
Only the delicious kind like popping a big zit or playing with a hangnail.

(Do you like to shop?)
I love internet shopping. Sometimes I like real-life shopping.

(What was the last thing you bought with cash?)
A bag of chips from the CVS downstairs.

( " " with a credit card?)
A birthday present for a Virgo-y friend

(Who's the last person you spoke to on the phone?)
Mommy

(What's on your desktop?)
At work, it's a cheesy Microsoft tulip thing and at home it's tiger fur

(What's on your cellphone background?)
The Camelback Inn

(Do you like redheads?)
Two, one named Jalehlabad and one named Armine

(Do you know any twins?)
No. And, gross, Bill.

(Do you have any weird relatives?)
Hoo-boy, you got about a week for me to tell this story?

(What was the last movie you watched?)
All the way through? Have no recollection. I watched part of Big Lebowski on Sunday...

(What was the last book you read?)
Don't recall. I'm almost done with I Am Charlotte Simmons, though.

Oh, Where Have You Been?
The short answer: On the El

The long answer: I fear that I am easily pegged as a newbie El rider. Just this week I almost fell completely on top of other riders, once just this morning. The Real El Riders don't budge an inch. It's like they're standing on the corner, waiting for the walk sign to flash. I've been riding for two months now, 10 times a week at least and I still don't have the hang of it. And, believe it or not, I do not consider myself uncoordinated.

Anyway, the cats are napping and I am tired of playing Guitar Hero. Or, rather, my eyes are tired and I am developing carpal tunnel. But damnit, I'm almost an Expert. 2 songs to go! So instead I shall go work on my latest project, okay I almost never have projects, but anyway...

RAWK
I recently bought Guitar Hero--by far the best game I've purchased in awhile. And, as Lone Dissenter said, "That is so hot that you got Guitar Hero. And don't even try and tell me you don't make heavy metal faces when you play it."

I maybe possibly kinda sorta make heavy metal faces when I play it. Like a lot. And damn it, it IS hot.

But what an ingenious concept--making air guitar real. I saw they have golf and, what do they call it? Donkey Drums or something? and of course Dance Dance Revolution... I wonder what else they could make like that.

There are a few improvements I hope they make in the sequel. Namely, that racking up money from your "tour" means that you can purchase GOOD stuff, not stupid guitar skins and crappy music no one has ever heard of. what is the point of that? I want COOL songs, like Paranoid by Sabbath or some Pink Floyd. Get the licensing, people!! Or even extra star power or make my whammy bar extra whammy or something. Or buy rock star clothes that give you star power. Are you listening, Guitar Hero programmers???

Alright, off to start re-reading Wicked. I forgot that the book starts off with a bang--a marionette show featuring a puppet with a penis in the front and a penis in the back and a woman for each side. If I'm not mistaken, later in the book is a beastiality stage show featuring a tiger... And this is what they made a musical about. Shit, maybe James Dobson is... no. Nevermind.

Something
Notice the addition of the SLIS live journal link on the side over there... I'm considering dropping in to spread some advice... :>

iPod Divination
via bill

Someday I shall interpret the deep meaning from this, but in the mean time, feel free to take a shot. Except for the "How can i make myself happy?" question...that's just spooky!

What do you think of me, iPod?
The Same Thing, Grateful Dead

Will I live a happy life?
Unholy Grail, DJ Dara

What do my friends really think of me?
How Do You Do?, Radiohead

Do people secretly lu87 after me?
Antistar, Massive Attack

How can I make myself happy?
Let's Get H1gh, Lords of Acid

What should I do with my life?
Bloodbook on the Half Shell, Danielson

Why must life be so full of pain?
Seven years, Natalie Merchant

How can I maximize my pleasure during sex?
Au Banquet des Chasseurs, Java
(To the Banquet of the Hunters)

Will I die hapy?
Tinder Box, String Cheese Incident

Can you give me some advice?
Stairway to the stars, Ella Fitzgerald

What do you think happiness is?
Problems, Sex Pistols

What's my favorite fetish?
Ready or not, The Fugees



In other news
Tomorrow is my one-year anniversary of holding down a full-time career-type job. If only my life were as simple as my cats'...who are kicking each other in the face at the moment.

Our Fearless Leader
""See the irony is that what they need to do is get Syria to get Hezbollah to stop doing this s--- and it's over," Bush said."

Update: Here is the audio of the above comment! If nothing else, it's funny to hear the "leader of the free world" talk like he's in...well, my living room.

Do any of my fearless readers have a handle on why there is escalating war in Israel and lebanon? It seems that Hezbollah is attacking Israel from Lebanon, but that they are backed financially/arsenally by Syria and Iran...so is Hezbollah Lebanese? Is Israel conducting campaigns against Lebanon or Hezbollah? Cuz everything says they're bombing Lebanon. Well, and Palestine. I'm too confused.

Where did my post go?
Um, I thought I wrote a post like on Thursday or something but I guess I either dreamed I wrote it or it got lost in cyberspace. In any case, it is not that hard to re-create, so here goes.

It has recently come to my attention that some people call those folding chairs one uses outside "deckchairs". I always called them lawnchairs. So do all of the people i've asked so far. Who says deckchair?

Here's a fascinating glimpse into the inner world of george w. It's kind of a long read and also terrifying.

I recently discovered myspace and have been using my friend's account to look up all sorts of people from high school. Everyone looks shiny and happy. A little TOO shiny and happy, but then again, I thought that about them in high school, too. Hm. Anyway, it appears that everyone either is still in The Region or they have moved to LA. Which, come to think of it, could explain the shiny part. You know how they like to exfoliate in LA.

Can You Imagine This on American TV?
PS: Don't let co-workers see you watching this. Need Glasses?: A German commercial.

Brand Strategy
Bravo has made a huge leap with their brand. Everyone says that Bravo is Teh Gay and Oxygen (really, I think Logo) is lesbian. Seriously, who hasn't heard that? And Bravo paid attention to their damn customers and pwned it. Yeah.

Sometimes Life's Okay
Most of my blogging inspiration comes during the hours when I sit in a little cubicle and contribute my little part to the success of the health insurance industry, though many would say that "success" should really be replaced by "societal cuckold". Whatever. The point is, I keep thinking of great blog posts and then forgetting to blog about them by the time I return home.

A few key ideas:
I completely, totally understand Dilbert now. Also Office Space. This upsets me. I feel deflowered somehow. My innocence is commpletely, utterly GONE. But, I comfort myself that non-cube-land jobs are just as shitty, just in different way that nobody cartoons about. Well, that's what I tell myself. Please don't burst the bubble.

I have grown-up furniture now! A real honest-to-goodness bed with a headboard and everything. This is one of those quarterlife crisis-type moments where I think, "Shit, I'm an adult. How the hell did this happen, and is it reversible?!?"

I don't think I will EVER get tired of seeing the Chicago skyline. Dare I say it, I think I like this town better than Bloomington. Yes, that Bloomington, where the water is sweet, the air is perfumed with flowers, beer is free, the girls are loose and there are rainbows every afternoon... The only, and I mean ONLY, thing that could make it better is if all my B-Town buddies lived next door... but they're coming to visit, RIGHT?!?

I totally <3 Modest Mouse lately.

The Truckee River Killer
So this evening on the El I sat next to this guy whom I'm pretty sure was a serial killer. He was wearing a light gray hoodie (with the hood pulled up), sunglasses, a polo shirt and tan cargo shorts. He sat completely still with his hands folded on top of his lap for the entire ride. I could smell fabric softener on him. Is it possible that a serial killer could smell like fabric softener? I'm not sure, but I'm not taking any chances. So if I disappear in a couple days, tell the police to look for a non-descript white guy with a blondish-brownish moustache.

Bonus points if you can name what I referenced in the title of this post.

Living in the big city has been an adventure--a good one. There are always interesting people to stare at on the train. And it helps to have a buddy with whom to bum around and explore. And, you know, consume quantities of beer.

Anyway, that's all I have for right now. I guess comments are working again (you know who you are) so start leaving them again! :D